Four years on. History is not over, things change.

Bit of a rambling one, this. Four years ago I had a mental breakdown and I walked off into the night with the intention of killing myself. I didn’t do it, obviously, I changed my mind. I turned away from the void. Vowed to change. To become someone I’d always …

Saying you’ve levelled up on your birthday is cringe

It’s my birthday today, and after receiving the card pictured, it struck me how cringe it is to say that you’ve “levelled up” on your birthday. Looking back on some of my previous birthday posts… I noticed that I’ve used the phrase once or twice myself. I get that it’s …

If your grandfather was here today, would you be able to look him in the eye?

Men: Are you proud of your behavior? If your grandfather was here today, would you be able to look him in the eye? Are you a man of the world, caving to whatever temptation it puts under your nose? Or do you want to be uncommon, a great man? Do …

Taking another year off

I’m finding myself in that situation again this academic year, mainly thanks to coronavirus this time around rather than financial worries. But this time, I can see it coming, and I won’t lose focus. I won’t waste this year. I’ve got things I need to do to be ready for …

Reflecting on ending self-isolation

This Coronavirus thing has been a bit shit, eh? I’m due to go back to work next week, and I have mixed emotions about it. On the one hand, I hate my current job, and these twelve weeks have been eye-opening to exactly how much I do hate it. I’m …

Self-isolation, quarantine, whatever this limbo is; week seven

Time is strange at the moment. It goes fast, but feels slow. Days take ages, but are over before you know it. This strange coronavirus limbo is warping things. It’s so quiet outside, it’s unreal. Eerie. Spooky. It feels like the entire world has been paused. I didn’t get a …

Self-isolation, week four

It reminds me of when I was unemployed, having all this free time. But it’s weird – instead of bumming around playing videogames all day and moderating meaningless internet forums, this time I am spending my time improving my situation. I asked Twitter when the lockdown first started if this …

Three years ago, today

Or yesterday, I forget. Whichever day it was, three years ago I was going to kill myself. I’ve come a long way, baby. Far enough? Not yet. We still have a ways to go. But still, considering the progress that I have made, it’s unreal. Compare the person I was …

The “Lewis becoming an adult” thing

This is going to be hard to write without sounding jaded, or bitter, but I’m going to try. My nephew, Lewis, turned 18 recently. He’s Jane’s sister’s first-born, and I’ve known him all his life. I don’t know where to start with how I feel about my perspective on all …

From Ramblings, to Reflections

I’m changing “Ramblings” to “Reflections”. It’s not often I make changes or additions to the structure of the blog, but this seems right. Language is fascinating, and this is an example of how the language you choose to use defines you. You see, “Ramblings” gives the impression of me waffling …