We talked a little about our own personal boundaries in this lesson, and at first I was a little blank about what my own personal boundaries as a counsellor would be. I am pretty easy going and I like to think I would be able to handle most subject matter thrown my way. Still now, as I’m writing this a day or two after the fact, I cannot think of any topic of discussion that I would make me uncomfortable. But, in terms of these boundaries, the extent of my training and my own personal limits of ability or proficiency are definitely ones I would need to consider at first when I don’t have much experience. My long term aim is to get as much experience with as many different demographics of client as possible, but when I am first starting out as a trainee I won’t have that depth. While it will hopefully come in time, I would not be able to, for example, go deep into someone’s trauma in my first week at an organisation, or deal with drugs and alcohol addiction if I had not had suitable training. Even in the long term, if I had never worked with kids or had any training on how to deal with children in counselling, then working in a school or college would be a personal boundary that ethically, I would not feel comfortable breaking. So, while I may not feel uncomfortable talking about any particular subjects to clients, the extent of my training and experience are boundaries, and thus they limit the areas in which I would be competent in counselling someone. I think I would easily adapt to following an organisations boundaries as I like to respect rules, and maintaining a good ethical reputation would be important to me as a professional counsellor.
We had our first roleplay session of the year today, and I was counsellor to Samantha’s client. Samantha’s dog had recently passed away, and she was struggling to cope with her loss. It started well and I established the basis of the problem, but noticed that Samantha wasn’t being especially forthcoming with answers to my questions. I quickly realised that Samantha was being stubborn and not fully answering questions on purpose rather than not being comfortable in the roleplay. She did a great job at answering my open questions with the bare minimum of information, not letting much emotion out, and she went silent on a fair few occasions, just looking at me and staying silent. I held her silence, just smiling at her, and more often than not, she broke the silence. I feel comfortable with silence, especially now that I realise I do not have to fill it. I felt that she was answering questions curtly to push boundaries, and she was trying to get me to react in an unprofessional manner. I didn’t let her unwillingness to give longer answers phase me. I gave her the space and time to reflect on whether her short answers were really helping by remaining silent, which I felt signalled to her that I got the impression there was more inside her.
Samantha tried to divert the conversation to me a couple of times, once by asking me about the chain I was wearing, and saying she liked it. I acknowledged her compliment with something like “that’s kind of you to say”, but brought the conversation back around to her by reminding her that we were not here to talk about me, that we were here to talk about her, and what brought her here, and that this is a safe environment for her to unpack her feelings. I said that she had seemed chattier last week, and that this week she seemed a bit sadder, that maybe her pets death had sunk in a bit more, or that she was missing her more as time went on. She agreed, and I detected slight anger in her voice when she said it had only been two weeks since the death of her pet. I decided to use some self-disclosure to let her know that I had some idea of how she was feeling so I told her that I had felt a similar pain when I lost a pet in the past. I didn’t belittle her pain by dismissing her feelings, I acknowledged it as real pain, a real emotional void inside ones heart; because that is how it feels when you lose something you love.
The problem that I find with roleplays only being ten to fifteen minutes long and not really being representative of a full course of counselling, is that there is no real long-term continuity. I cannot, as a counsellor, refer back to earlier sessions, or comment on changes in demeanour – these things have to be mutually constructed in the moment by the counsellor and client. I think I took a bit of a chance when I suggested Samantha’s demeanour has changed from the previous week’s session, as the previous week’s session had never actually taken place. But then saying that – a roleplay session is infinitely more valuable than writing up pages and pages of theory. After this, there was more silence, and Samantha asked to leave the session five minutes early. I said she could if she really wanted to, but I reminded her that this time was hers to explore how she felt about the loss of her pet, and that she really should make the most of it, which kept her talking. This was my plan, and after five minutes when she had cooled down a bit and was in a happier state of mind, I finished the session.
I didn’t finish the session with a summary, which is one thing I think I should have done. I should have reiterated the key points of the conversation and maybe reminded her that our counselling relationship is a safe place for her to explore how she feels about the loss of her dog and everything related to that. John mentioned in his feedback that I could have thanked her for staying the extra five minutes at the end, and I agree – it would have gone a long way to building up that trust and respect between us. Making this summary would have made it easier for me to write up my notes after the session as well.
When I was client to Gwendoline’s counsellor, I established a normal counselling session for five or so minutes, presented a neat little problem for her, but then as a way to cross a boundary, I blurted out that I loved her. I was absolutely sure she would be able to handle it – and she did – I would not have done such a thing on the Level 2 course or to someone that didn’t already have an abundance of practical experience in a helping field. As always, I enjoyed being a client – it is the easiest of the three roles and helps me think quickly in the moment, and sharpens my improvisation skills. I like to gently challenge the counsellors I am paired with, and reward them when I feel like they are genuinely helping me.
*Names changed to preserve privacy
