This week we spoke briefly about ways in which clients could consciously or unconsciously break boundaries. Examples of ways in which a client could consciously cross a boundary could include:
• Turning up late because of nerves or uncomfortable feelings
• Asking to leave early because they may have been overwhelmed
• Not paying promptly if a fee is required
• Not being honest with the counsellor about a key issue
• Answering a personal phone call in a counselling session
• Had a drink or taken recreational drugs before a session
• Physically attacked a counsellor
• Wanting to see a counsellor out of hours
• Giving gifts to a counsellor
Examples of ways in which a client could unconsciously cross a boundary include:
• Initiated unnecessary physical contact without thinking
• Not paying attention or gazing out of a window
• Falling asleep in a session
• Not fully disclosing pertinent information to a counsellor
As I mentioned last week, there is a fine line between conscious and unconscious breaking of boundaries, as an unconscious desire can sometimes manifest itself in a conscious way. It is also important to consider that there can be layers of organisational boundaries. Things can get tricky if one organisation allows something that a professional membership body does not. This could be for ethical reasons, issues of best practise, or even relating to what their professional insurance covers.
How a counsellor handles a client pushing at and breaking boundaries can depend on the counsellor. A client daydreaming or gazing out of a window could just need refocusing to get back on topic, in which case a little summary might do the job. Going over the session so far, or even summing up progress made over multiple sessions, could be enough to get this client back into the room. If a client answers a personal phone call in a session then the counsellor could end the session early. If the client explained they were waiting for a personal phone call before the session started then the counsellor could allow it. It all depends on context, and how the relationship is between the counsellor and client. This could however, be hard to maintain if the client keeps pushing and pushing a little bit at a time. A written contract that the counsellor and clients sign in the first session is a good way to outline their relational boundaries – this can be useful if a client is pushing at boundaries and a reset of sorts is needed.
Some broken boundaries cannot simply be waved off – they need to be addressed and require action. For example, if a client turned up drunk and in no state to be constructive then the session could not be continued. In this case, the counsellor would have to be firm, explain why the session could not go ahead, and perhaps go back to the initial contract and highlight which boundary was broken. In this case, some organisations may well not offer further sessions, while others may still charge the client for the session.
Our tutor suggested that a good way to defuse a situation can be to use humour. An example of this could be that a client mentions something pertinent just as they were leaving while the counsellor was holding the door to the counselling room open, so the counsellor could maybe say something like “We can’t discuss this now; our confidentiality is walking off down the corridor!”
