Today was my first class, and to say I was nervous beforehand was an understatement. I arrived first to the classroom, and as usual I had negative thoughts. I thought that things had fallen through and the course was cancelled because no-one else was there, then I thought that I should run away and not attend the course. In the past I probably would have just wandered off and not gone into the classroom, but I am fed up of that side of my personality taking charge and controlling my destiny. It’s like I go on auto-pilot sometimes, I detach and just passively let events unfold. I have resolved not to let that part of me take over so much, which is why I did step into that classroom, and why I am typing this now. As I wrote in my expectations, I want a rewarding career in the future, and this course is step in the right direction.
My nervousness soon died off when I realised that all my classmates seemed like really nice people and were there to learn – some abstract mental equations caused me to realise that my classmates were all there because they wanted to learn counselling skills, counsellors help people, helping people is a nice thing to do, so thus they must be nice people.
We learned about key aspects of listening skills. I like to really listen to what people say in general, especially when I meet new people, find out what makes them tick, listen to their stories, and find out their aspirations. I feel that my own personal level of eye contact is appropriate – I have no problems maintaining a level that the other person is comfortable with. I have read a few self-help books on eye contact, as I have in the past had problems with it due to shyness. I understand the importance of an open body language – again, I have read a few books about the subject in an effort to better understand people’s subtleties. I don’t feel I’m an arrogant person, so wouldn’t lean back in my chair with my hands on the back of my head, or make myself as small as possible in a chair opposite a client, my arms wrapped around myself as if to not let them in. Some key body language gestures made by a counsellor that shows openness is leaning forward and smiling, more subtle ones include having open palms facing upwards and the counsellor exposing their wrists. I can understand attentiveness being important to conversations. It can be hard to talk if you have to raise your voice to an uncomfortable level because of other noises, or if you are really thirsty.
I feel I am quite an empathic person, in that I can feel or sense another person’s mood or feelings quite easily, but I don’t really know what to do with that knowledge, if that makes sense. I quite often feel that aspects of my way of being rub off onto other people, as do aspects of their emotional state. If someone is in a bad mood, I tend to get in a bad mood too, and that makes me really want to lighten things up and try to change their mood into a happier one because I don’t really like being in a bad mood.
Boundaries are a tough one for me personally, as I do feel like a bit of a doormat at times, that other people’s wishes or desires are more important than my own personal boundaries. For example, sometimes I do not want a cup of tea, but if someone were to bring me a cup of tea without first asking if I wanted one, I would drink it anyway, even if I had just had a drink or were feeling poorly, so as to not cause offense. I do feel I need to work on them, for sure.
When our tutor asked what the difference was between a counselling relationship and a friendship, I (quite unexpectedly) piped up that “Friendship is a two-way relationship”. Of course, this was only the tip of the thought that had sped through my head – had I slowed down and constructed my sentence into something more coherent then I would’ve explained how I thought that the differences between them were that a friendship was a non-professional relationship with looser boundaries in which two people are often not really listening to what the other person is saying, but waiting for their turn to speak. I need to engage my brain a little bit first before the first thing that comes to mind pops out of my mouth.
I did make a joke at one point, when our tutor was asking everyone to sum up their feelings in one word at the end of the session – a trait that I have become more aware of since I have started becoming more purposefully introspective around six months ago. I think I use it as a self defence mechanism, to deflect seriousness. Clarity will come in time.
All in all, I was very happy by the end of the first session, I was very glad that I was brave and stayed the course.
