In February 2017 I had a breakdown. When you hit rock bottom, that’s when you can look up and see how far it is back to the top. I made a plan. A five year plan. It was going well. I was on course. Driving lessons going well, learning how to be a counsellor. Completed most of my action plan.
Then covid hit.
I was dreading writing this today, because my feelings throughout the day have been that I’d wasted the five years, but looking back at the posts I made at the end of year one, year two and year three, surrounded by posts about driving lessons and college courses, made me realise it was these past two covid years. The drastic upheaval of life really threw me. What should have been time to build on ideas and improve aspects of my life just stalled. I was spinning my wheels. Not sure which direction to go in, so tried to go very slowly in all directions at once.
How long do I add to the plan now? The two years lost to covid? That sounds reasonable. And as I wrote the other day, it feels like covid is over. Restrictions are being lifted and life is returning to normal. I’ve just looked into redoing level 3 counselling – it’s not that I feel I need to repeat the year, more that I need a class one day a week, out there in the world, that I need to attend. Get back into a rhythm of having to “go” and “do”.
Time to update the plan. I’ve shied away from this before, but I think I should write on here what I intend to accomplish, and then report back to confirm I have actually done it. Accountability and all that. For example: Tomorrow I’m going to throw out some old clothes and sort out my supplements for the next two weeks. Reach out to a driving instructor. Tomorrow night I’ll report in, whilst reorganising the action plan.
It’s time I took this shit seriously.
