Today we explored personal blocks to listening, which are external or internal factors that interfere with a counsellor’s ability to be present in the room and utilise active listening. Pat introduced us to six broad categories.
The first is Mind Reading. Psychic abilities are not real, and a counsellor supposing they know what a client’s problem is before it has been uncovered, or what a client will say before they have said it is incredibly dangerous. A counsellor finishing a client’s sentence because they “think” they have the answer is both arrogant and unprofessional.
The next factor is Judging. We covered this in units 3.2 and 3.3. I showed examples of how I pre-judged two different women here, and the consequences of those judgements. Having an open mind by demonstrating Unconditional Positive Regard, and challenging any prejudicial thoughts that arise are key to not allowing this block any power over you.
The Personal Thoughts of a counsellor classify as a block to listening, if they occur while in a session with a client, and relate to issues or subjects outside of their relationship, such as if the counsellor remembered to lock their front door, or if the counsellor needs the toilet. These distract a counsellor from the here-and-now, and can be very disrespectful.
Closely related to personal thoughts, is Mind Wandering. A counsellor that cannot focus on what a client is saying will soon find themselves out of the loop, and a client would very quickly pick up on this. A counsellor cannot use tools such as reflections or summaries if they were not concentrating on what a client was saying.
Another block to listening is Rescuing. It is not a counsellor’s job to rescue a client from their problems, but rather to help the client realise the potential they have inside to help themselves. Counselling is about empowerment, not making a counsellor feel good about themselves by rescuing the client.
Advising is quite similar to rescuing. If a counsellor jumps in with a chart of pros and cons and a list of websites and phone numbers, they could miss the underlying issue which has to do with a client’s feelings towards their problem, rather than the problem itself. And this leads back to mind reading, in which a counsellor believes they know best, when in fact, they do not.
These can be further divided into External and Internal blocks.
Internal blocks to listening are generated from inside the counsellor, and range from physical distractions such as tiredness, hunger or being poorly, to mental distractions such as the client saying something that triggers a cascade of personal memories or if the client reminds the counsellor of someone they are not fond of.
External blocks to listening are generated by factors outside of the counsellor, and could include such diverse things as the sound of traffic in the distance through an open window, the seat the counsellor is sitting on being uncomfortable, or even something as seemingly inconsequential as an insect flying around the room.
