This week we split into small groups reflected on how what we have learned about the various theories so far help us understand our relationships, both past and present, and the ways in which we form, develop, maintain and end those relationships.

Psychodynamic Counselling really helped me learn about my relationships. I mentioned the other week that the trauma of my Dad leaving was the origin point for most of my developmental problems, which I feel were then exacerbated by not having a strong masculine role model growing up, and a skewed idea of the female archetype as well – my Mum worked 60 hour weeks to keep food on our table and a roof over our heads, and I felt that from a very young age I had to be more grown up and responsible than I was able to be. It would explain my arrested development somewhat, and my unconscious desire to remain in childhood until way into middle-age.

While it’s not one that we’ve covered this year on the course, Transactional Analysis was massively enlightening when we learned about Ego-states and the Drama Triangle last year. Applying it to a lot of my past relationships has made me realise how often I presented as the Child Ego-state, even when I clearly should have been the Adult. I’ve also consciously tried to remove myself from any Drama Triangle I find myself in, as when I applied it to a few relationships I’ve had in the past that fit the criteria, I saw that I always tended to end up as the victim. I remove myself by taking responsibility for my own actions, and by not taking power from anyone else by rescuing them. I don’t persecute others, and I definitely do not become a victim. The game falls apart when one player decides not to play, and things are then resolved in Adult Ego-states.

I was a bit reluctant to share with the group this week, I’m not sure why, but I did share, and felt better afterwards. While talking about how theory has helped me make sense of past relationships, I stumbled with the order of some events, went off on tangents at other times, but I feel I got my points across and hit all of the key notes. My past makes sense to me, in my head; but I do think it would be beneficial for me to speak it out loud or write it all down, if only to have something I can refer to so that I get things in order, or to see what really needs to be included when I share it with others.

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