We were still working on diversity, discrimination and prejudice this week. Our tutor asked us to discover all the ways (both positive and negative) in which diversity can impact on the counselling relationship, which allowed us to consider how to take diversity issues into account when developing a counselling relationship. The most obvious negative one is a counsellor being unable to empathise with their client. This could stop a counsellor from working with a wide variety of people, simply because they have no frame of reference from which to try and understand their client.
It is far more likely that, given an open mind and a willingness to learn on the part of the counsellor, that diversity can have a positive impact on the therapeutic relationship. A client from a different background to the counsellor can help the counsellor recognise any prejudices they may hold and help them overcome them. In time, the counsellor may well lose those prejudices completely. Another positive way in which diversity can impact the relationship is in recognising problems a person from a diverse background may be having because you, as a counsellor, are apart from their culture. Sometimes not having a frame of reference that is fixed in a client’s personal problems can be beneficial, as they may be prone to blind spots.
We then explored the statement “Why we judge” as a group. I think it is an interesting question. I believe that it is a protective mechanism, a throwback from more primitive times, as well as a categorisation system which people use to make sense of the world. A group of prehistoric men coming across another group of prehistoric men with different coloured skin would immediately set everyone’s internal alarm bells ringing. In the modern world, it helps people quickly and easily get a handle on situations, such as walking into a classroom for the first time, or arriving at a party. In a one-on-one situation like counselling however, it is always preferable to leave your judgements on the hat-stand outside for an hour, and indulge in some Unconditional Positive Regard.
Judgements can be cultivated from parental influences or through personal experience. I think the key factor in not letting prejudices and stereotypes cloud your view is to notice when you make assumptions about people, especially prejudices that you do not remember forming yourself, and to challenge them. Also, be prepared for those snap judgements you make when you first meet someone to turn out wrong. Sometimes harsh judgements are used to make you feel better about yourself, or are shared with others to make you feel more accepted in a friendship, or as part of a group. For example, if you see someone say something stupid on Facebook, you may joke about it with a mutual friend in the hope you raise your social standing with them, or to assure them you are not as stupid as that person that said a silly thing.
Sometimes you can make judgements on what people are feeling or doing but get it wrong. If, for example, you were walking down the road and you saw someone you knew and waved to them, but they never waved back, you could jump to many a conclusion.
Does she not like you anymore? Why doesn’t she like you? Has she finally woken up to your ways? Maybe she saw you drop that litter earlier in the day. Or was it because a few weeks back you never wished them a happy birthday on Facebook? Or have they found out how you treated that girl back in secondary school? I hope they don’t tell your mutual friends that they don’t like you anymore. You don’t want to lose more friends. Ah, what do you care, you never liked them anyway. In a way, you’re glad they don’t like you anymore. Cancel her invitation to your wedding. In reality, she was engrossed in an audiobook that she was listening to on her headphones and simply never saw you.
You can never really know what another person is thinking or feeling unless you ask them, and they tell you. And even then, they might not be 100% accurate in the way they convey their feelings to you.
We were then asked to consider the needs of a client that had been discriminated against, and the main thing that cropped up in most of our answers was Unconditional Positive Regard. Experiencing discrimination can be an isolating experience, so as a counsellor it is important that you are present for the client, and that you bring warmth and reassurance. Asking pertinent questions and understanding the client, while allowing them the space and time to come to their own conclusions. While I don’t think you should counsel someone that has been a victim of discrimination “harder” or “better” or with more intensity or anything like that, there are things to keep in mind. They are likely to be more sensitive to any differences between you, especially if one of those differences is the thing they were discriminated against. They may also need extra support from an anti-discrimination organisation, so you could signpost them towards such a group. You should strive to be congruent with yourself and your knowledge of the perceived difference, and as long as you are open and honest and ask questions if you are unsure, it will be ok. It’s important to understand that you won’t always understand.
We also did a roleplay to practise what we’d learnt about discrimination and difference, but we only had time for one of us to be the counsellor. Liam went first and he did really well. Roxanne presented a problem with regards to her arranged marriage, and I felt Liam was both inquisitive when he was unsure of something but also sensitive to Roxanne’s religious beliefs.
