Hi. Welcome to a new feature which, as you can see from the title of this post, I’m calling Shopping List LOLs. What is it about I hear you ask? Well, I work in a supermarket and sometimes I find peoples discarded shopping lists. I read them, and are amazed by them, they make me thankful I’m normal. What I’ll do is, take a picture of one, try and keep the resolution nice and high so you can read it, then go through the list, taking the mickey out of it, naturally.
Ok, so, easy bits first. This person, which I am assuming is female, has to buy an anniversary card for Owen. How cute. On the list to pick up from Superdrug is fair powder. Hold on, what is fair powder? Ok, ok, cotton wool is legit, but “translucant” intrigues me. Translucent what? Just translucence? Can you buy that?
At Asda, she needs salad stuff (nothing in particular, just random generic salad stuff), garlic, olives, tomatoes and mush (which, if I recall, is a sloppy kind of porridge which won’t go at all with salad… Maybe she means mushrooms? Hard to tell). Also on the list is nice pasta – as opposed to horrible pasta. It’s a good job she clarified her desires before she set out on her shopping escapade otherwise in her giddy shopping euphoria she may well have picked up that disgusting pasta they put right next to the nice stuff. Or the poisonous pasta – you just don’t know.
Ice cream (2). Now we’re into specific quantities. Also, Tin fruit (2). Would it be a cheap shot for me to suggest she wants to buy 2 fruits both made out of tin? Almost forgotten from the shopping list and crammed in the gap there is puff pastry – is she going to make a pie out of some of the ingredients? A garlic, olive, tomato and mushroom pie? Is that a thing? Also: Bog roll. What a classy chick. Owen sure is in for a treat on their anniversary. A litre tub of ice-cream with a tin of fruit emptied into it, and a weird pie made by someone who uses a bog rather than a toilet. Lovely.
And I know this is at the top and I’ve left it for last, but from the format of the rest of the list… I don’t know about you, but mayonnaise is the last thing I’d expect to find in Holland & Barrett.
Think you can be funnier? Let me know in the comments.
