Hi. Welcome to the no-longer-new feature which, as you can see from the title of this post, I’m calling Shopping List LOLs. What is it about I hear you ask? Well, I work in a supermarket and sometimes I find peoples discarded shopping lists. I read them, and are amazed by them, they make me thankful I’m normal. What I’ll do is, take a picture of one, try and keep the resolution nice and high so you can read it, then go through the list, taking the mickey out of it, naturally.
This is lady writing, isn’t it? Yeah. Clearly. The dots on the lower case I’s are circles for fucks sake, of course it’s a female writing this list.
This one starts off as some sums. I like sums, but from the looks of it, this Simon dude doesn’t. This person is banking on Simon giving them £10 for reasons unknown, as well as £20 for gas and electric, and also a bank transfer of £20 for rent maybe? Even if he does give her all that money, it won’t cover the water bill, which is £410! I think. Or Bike may be paying for the water. Or is it £410 for a bike that goes on water? That’s be pretty special. She may just be writing down what Simon owes her to justify the £30 she spent on clothes. Maybe. There’s a “22” and a “TV” in there too, but I think we should just move on already.
Tom Sauce – sauce made from guys named Tom, obviously. Now, this is maybe only the second time I’ve taken the mick out of the spelling on these things, but these are too funny to pass up. Salad? Nah, Saland. Cearel bars – almost! Banna – maybe it’d work as a shorthand! My favourite has to be squezze yogurts. She knew there was a double letter in there somewhere, but couldn’t work out where exactly!
I love how nappies and wipes, those necessities for baby-care, come after her food list and her petty financial squabbles with Simon about whether they can afford a bike that can ride on water. The erroneous placement of Mug Shots and especially pasta disgusts me – they clearly belong on the left hand side of the shopping list with the rest of the food items, but one is lazily added to the right, while the other is like some kind of afterthought. Sickening to my very core. I want to know what the S in S.Tape stands for. Sexytape? Suicidetape? Scrumptioustape? Spoontape? And as you can see, she dabbled with the idea of getting a combination bathroom and kitchen cleaner, but in the end settled on a version dedicated to bathroom hygiene – a great idea if you ask me.
And Polish mouthwash? What’s wrong with good old British mouthwash? That’s racist or something.
Think you can be funnier? Let me know in the comments.
