Day four was plagued with indecision. I got the impression that Myrtle wanted to go somewhere but wouldn’t say where, waiting for someone else to suggest the place she wanted to go to and then say “YEAH LETS GO THERE”. Maybe it wasn’t that, but that’s the impression I got.
In the end we went to Tuckers Maltings. The most entertaining part of that particular place was the visitors book (which I always make a point of leafing through older pages and leaving a comment myself). One comment in particular caught my eye, it went something like:
Yeah this place was interesting but it smelled a bit. IROBOT IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!!!
In fairness, it did smell a bit thanks to all the malt and stuff, but why did the person feel the need to mention iRobot? Utter insanity. I will do my best to match that in future visitor book comments.
That was pretty much it for the day. We went to the Club in the evening and there were a couple of notable fellow holiday people. The first has a backstory. We went to Welcome a few years ago, around the time “Monster” by The Automatic was a popular song. Well, there was this one girl we saw on our holiday who was a bit of a monster. Hugely overweight, frizzy hair, dire complexion, angry face – every time Jane or I saw her we’d sing “What’s that coming over the hill…”, you know, like the song. Well. We saw her on THIS holiday as well. At first we thought she must work there or something, but then we realised she was with her Mum, Dad, sisters, brothers, her entire family, and when one of the Bluecoats asked “Who’s going home on Friday?”, they all raised their hands. What are the odds? Two holidays, several years apart, shared by the same guests. She had such a memorable (and ugly) face as well. I find it uncanny. Anyway, we changed her nickname to Hexbug, as the song “Monster” by The Automatic is now used in Hexbug adverts. What’s that coming over the hill, is it a Hexbug? Is it a Hexbug?
The second memorable holiday-goer also has backstory, but not years old. On our first night, we noticed this guy, sat by himself, nursing a long orange juice. He was wearing socks and sandals, and had a cute little pedometer on his belt. We figured he was watching the show, and had a kid or two sat up by the stage, as all the kids do. Thing is, when the kids disappeared while the grown ups were playing bingo, he disappeared also. We nicknamed him “Pedo”. Not paedo. That would be insinuating something. We named him after his pedometer. He was by himself, we figured he used to come to Welcome with his Mum and/or Dad, who had now sadly passed away, and being of diminished intelligence, carried on the tradition without them. Anyway, he was quite a fan of the cheesy music, and was tapping his foot away. Then Tragedy came on. He started doing arm moves. Not the Tragedy arm moves, but his own stupid approximation of them. Then he got up and started dancing by his table. Then he slowly moved to the dancefloor and busted some wicked moves on there. Then the song finished and he got a STANDING OVATION. It was hilarious, the entire club stood up and clapped harder than when the Bluecoats finished one of their shows. He obviously didn’t realise what he was doing, the music just, like, took over. One of my holiday highlights.
Oh yeah, Jane got absolutely hammered. She was drinking double vodkas as if her life depended on it.
